I'll be the Judge of that! | #fakeituntilyoumakeit LINK UP

How many times have you heard the phrase:

"You shouldn't Judge!"

Or listened to some self-righteous person telling you:

"I never judge people, it's just wrong!"

Hmmmm....
They're kidding themselves on.

The fact that they feel the need to boast about their lack of judgemental behaviour means they're judging you, and your intelligence!

Making judgements is a normal part of life.
Human nature.
Instinctive.
An essential tool for survival.

We judge situations.
We constantly risk assess.
We judge people that we meet.
Are they trustworthy?

Think about the importance of first impressions.

Not judging (or making the wrong judgement) can be a dangerous business.
Sometimes serious.

However....
It's important to make our normal-human-nature judgements then be sufficiently open-minded to be flexible.

Flexible judgements are the only way!

A first impression might leave you thinking someone is horribly rude but you may later discover that person has autism and their perceived rudeness was just them being literal.

You might think someone else is arrogant only to find out they were nervous and full of self-doubt.

You might make a judgement about someone's appearance:

"Look at that fat person, they must be so lazy!" 

"Get off your bum, put down that pizza and go for a walk!"

Or...

"Look at that skinny person, I bet they never eat!" 

"Step off that treadmill and go and eat a pie for goodness sake!"

Judging happens, but it can be unfair.
Those people will have a story.
A whole host of background issues.
Inflexible judging is as dangerous as not judging at all.

Let me tell you a funny(ish) story...

I was at the gym the other day (surprise!) standing outside a class talking to an instructor, my good friend and two other regulars.
The instructor was looking for suggestions so we were all discussing tracks we loved and disliked.

The topic of lunges came up.
{Cue a collective groan!}
Then I pipe up:

"Oh, I LOVE lunges!"

My friend laughs:

"You're just weird!"

The other women laughed too.
Then one of the women says to me... with her lip slightly curled and her tone serious:

"Lunges?!.{eyeroll}" 

"Of course, it's alright for you...your legs are too skinny." 

"Lunging is easy when you're so skinny!"

{"Too skinny"?!
Ouch... that took me back to hurtful comments like "knotty cottons" and "Chicken legs" from my childhood.}

I laughed.
Not because it was funny.
But because I'm used to these kinds of comments and can't be bothered getting defensive about them.
What's the point?

Even though comments like these are not okay.
I still accept them.

I'm sure she didn't mean to be so venomous.
I bet she was even joking (a little).
Maybe she thought it was some kind of compliment to be called skinny?

I realise that her comment is not really anything to do with me.
It's more about her and her relationship with her own body.

But these comments DO still hurt.

The most surprising part of it all was that my friend was very offended on my behalf and got VERY angry.
She rightly pointed out that the woman had no right to judge me.

I might have a background story.
What if I had a medical condition or was recovering from an eating disorder.
Or have other phycological issues that nasty comments about my physicality might push me into an unhealthy place.

{I HAVE been in an unhealthy place and it's not pretty... it's also a waste of time.}

What if you'd said to her:

"No wonder you hate lunges, your legs are too fat!" 

"You weigh too much!"

Everyone would have been up in arms!
You'd have been thrown out of the gym, barred.
Put in the stocks and pelted with rotten eggs
BUT it's okay to call you skinny?!
I'm so annoyed!

I must tell you that I felt very grateful for her protective anger.
What a fab friend.

And she's spot on!
I shouldn't have to accept comments like that.
No one should.

Why do some women think it's okay to tear each other down?

Are you a flexible judger?
Have you been on the receiving end of body shaming comments?
Or, have you ever skinny-shamed someone without realising it could hurt them?
I'd love to know!

Other posts you might enjoy...

• Stop weight shaming.
• The 12 Secret Eating Habits of a Skinny Person.
• Does Blogging Make your FAT??
• Amazing women... over 60 and fitter than ever!

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