Style Tips and Fun with Fashion

Sunday, 11 March 2018

How NOT to be Jealous | #fakeituntilyoumakeit LINK UP


I've not got a jealous bone in my body.
I'm not boasting or being smart about it.
It's just a statement of fact.

I sometimes feign envy, for fun, but to be honest I'm not even sure I'm doing it right!

My husband thinks my lack of envy and jealousy is because I'm confident in who (and what) I am, but I'm not so sure he's right about that!

I often don't feel very confident.
{But do a good job of faking confidence on a regular basis!}


It's true though that I never feel jealous.
I never feel envy.

Even if I see a beautiful woman with the perfect figure.
Even when I hear about the huge successes of other bloggers I'm supposed to consider my "competition".

{Which is ironic in itself as I don't consider anyone my competition}

Even when I see other women wearing Chanel, Erdem and Valentino... or other brand's I'd love to own.
Even when I see a very attractive woman flirting with my husband.
Even when I caught my (ex)husband red-handed having an affair.
Nothing makes me feel jealous.
I'm not even sure I know how it feels.

I'm reminded of a moment a few years ago...

I was at a wedding a couple of years ago with a few work colleagues when the wife of one of the men I work beside walked in.
She was breathtakingly beautiful.
As I looked around the room I saw the involuntary disgust on the faces of many of the women present.
Envy.
Jealousy.
Even hatred.

I didn't understand.
What was going on?
I was desperate for her to come to sit next to me!
I even shuffled up and shared half of my seat just to be near her.

When I see a beautiful woman (or man) I just want to talk to them, to be near them.
I'm not sure why.
Maybe it's just because I love to be around beautiful things?

The bottom line is...

Someone else's beauty or success does not affect me.
I'm still the same person regardless of who they are or what they've done... or who I'm with.

My lack of jealousy is not because of great confidence or self-assuredness.
I simply don't see the point of it.
Why waste time on jealousy, or anything you can do nothing about?
Why bother?

Maybe I'm lucky but here are my top tips for seeing off that green-eyed monster...


3 Simple Ways NOT to be Jealous

1. Be grateful

Instead of worrying about what you don't have, be grateful for what you do have.

I (like many people) have been through some pretty difficult times over the years.
Suffering from physical and emotional abuse.
Wondering if I could keep a roof over me, and my child's, head.
Having no money and nothing for dinner.

Enduring (and surviving) real hardship focuses the mind, and nothing is ever as much of a problem from then on.
Hardship certainly offers perspective!

If you've never experienced hardship then I'm really happy for you.
I hope you never do!

But, you can still 'use' the hardship of others to help you gain perspective for a moment.
Try imagining life as...
An abused woman, or child.
A homeless person, living on the street.
Someone hungry and unable to feed their children.
Try putting yourself (mentally) in their shoes for a moment.
Really focus on it.
How do you feel?

Be grateful for what you have, and what you don't have to endure.
Donate to charity.

Your life (and mental wellbeing) will be better for it.

2. Don't assume

This is a HUGE one!
I know for a fact that just because someone appears "perfect" doesn't necessarily mean it is the truth.
Think of Facebook for example.

My friend calls it "Stepford families"  and she hits the nail on the head.

Just because someone gives the impression of a perfect family life, attentive husband and perfectly behaved children doesn't make it true.
In fact, if this Stepford life is all over social media then it's probably NOT true!

Ditto perfect figures and faces.
Photoshopping.
Filters.
Clever angles.
All is NEVER what it seems.

{Find out why I'll NEVER photoshop my image HERE}

3. Know your limitations and accept them

This is an easy one.
You have to accept yourself.
I know my limitations.
My weaknesses.
My flaws.
AND... I'm okay with that.
I'm not going to big myself up or put myself down.
I am what I am.

We all try to be the best we can be.
But there comes a time when we need to accept that certain things are beyond our reach.

I'm never going to have the perfect figure, no matter how long I spend at the gym.
My hair is always doing its own thing regardless of products.
My eyes are small, I have eye bags and dark circles, my jaw is square and my nose is pointy.
I've always got a haphazard feel to every outfit I wear, and everything I do.
I'm easily distracted.
I can seem aloof and detached.
I can be unfocused and chaotic.
I can be clumsy and slap-dash.
I have been known to hurt people's feeling with my frankness... diplomacy is certainly not my thing.

BUT...
I'm honest.
I can't lie.
I'm no sycophant!
{Don't ask me questions you don't want an honest answer too}

I won't get jealous of your success.
If you're my friend I'll protect you, support you, cheer your success, value you, big you up at every opportunity, defend you and love you.
Do me wrong and I'll never forget it.

I'm far from perfect but I'm okay with that.

That's the secret to never feeling jealous.

Be content with all you are and all you have.
You have it all and you don't even realise!


Last week the stunningly beautiful Vale caught my eye with her Athleisure look.

Vale is everything I should be jealous of...
A figure to die for... I mean seriously stunning.
A beautiful face.
A hugely successful blog.
The most amazing collection of designer clothes handbags and.... shoes!
Her shoe collection is something else.
I swoon!!

BUT, I feel none of that.
I just feel grateful that she chooses to share her posts on my blog, and occasionally comments on my posts.
I'm grateful to have found her blog and to be able to admire her work.
I am grateful to be inspired by her every week.
She is a beautiful and successful lady and you know what?
I'm happy for her!

Check out her original post HERE.

Now it's your turn...


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42 comments

  1. Brilliant post Samantha. Very honest. I will try to remember your advice next time the green eyed monster strikes.

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    1. Thank you Gail.
      I was so surprised when I was asking people (researching) about jealousy/envy... I'd never really thought about it properly before.
      It must be very draining and sometimes even crippling.
      I feel SO lucky not to feel it.
      I hope you can kick the G-E-M into the sidelines next time he pops up!
      XXX

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  2. Most of the time it's not an issue for me, yet there are times....
    It's always good to remember we are so blessed with what we have in our lives, and learn from others instead of envy them!!
    Great topic...
    XOXO
    Jodie
    www.jtouchofstyle.com

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Jodie.
      I'm beginning to think that bloggers are a breed of women who are less likely to feel envy/jealousy.
      I'm not sure why bloggers are less chewed up with envy, but I'm lucky to know so many amazing women!
      XXX

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  3. Great thoughts. Envy is the recipe to be unhappy.

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  4. What a beautiful post. I feell it is out duty as women to life one another up and be tickled pick for the success of our fellow man and womankind! It would make this world a better place if all could do this and jealousy be gone!

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    Replies
    1. What a lovely sentiment Andrea!
      Thank you for sharing it.
      XXX

      Delete
  5. I'm not going to lie and say I don't get jealous! But it's always short lived, and what's the point of letting it eat you up?
    Have a great week Samantha
    Laurie xx

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    Replies
    1. I agree Laurie.
      Such negativity is a waste of valuable time!
      XXX

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  6. I very rarely feel envious, and when I do it's a mild, fleeting feeling. As I get older I feel more content with my lot so envy doesn't really come in to it. I'm happy with the simple things in life - family, animals, nature...as well as fashion of course ;-)

    Emma xxx
    www.style-splash.com

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    1. Hahaha... yes Emma! That goes without saying :o)
      XXX

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  7. I feel a bit like Emma, sometimes I feel a twang of envy if I see someone I want to be like etc. But feeling thankful for what I have kicks back in and i'm back to normal. Jacqui
    www.mummabstylish.com

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    1. It sounds like you're in control of the green eyed monster Jacqui!
      XXX

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  8. Awww, thank you SO much for the feature, Samantha! And especially for your kind, loving words, they made my day! I am so proud someone as smart, fun, charming, beautiful, creative and nice as you likes me :) and I am just like you, I am not the jealous/envious type, I like to be inspired and I am so thankful for what I have. Many kisses and thanks again <3

    Fashion and Cookies - fashion & beauty blog

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's my pleasure Vale.
      If I were an envious person I would driven over the edge by your shoe collection.
      I would however LOVE to have a few hours trying on and tottering about :oP
      XXX

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  9. I am generally a not a jealous/envious type of person but I think it's something I trained myself NOT to feel since I was young, as jealousy and envy breed worse qualities (usually spite, something I see in some people which is SO NOT pretty). I agree with you, jealousy/envy is such a waste of time and energy, so why bother?

    Your 3 tips are all something I am used to doing, so I feel really good about that! =)

    I've always believed that every person HAS to have a jealous bone in their body - it's just the matter of whether it's "repressed" or not - but you know what Samantha you saying you don't is actually something I find completely believable. I have never met you in real life but I feel like you really are one of the nicest people I have ever encountered.

    I really smiled at your story about the wedding! Whenever I see a beautiful woman I get immediately intrigued and would be in awe (and would be gushing about her quietly to whomever I am with), but too much in awe to want to approach her! I'm quite introverted like that, but I imagine you having no problem saying hi and making her acquaintance!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for this comment Liyana.
      You made me really think about repression of jealous behaviour... maybe that is me after all?!
      You're spot on about envy breeding spite.
      Spite is the worst.
      This comment is so thought provoking and inspiring.
      Thank you.
      XXX

      Delete
  10. Hi Sam, I totally relate to this as I am the same as you, I have never felt jealous, so I have no clue how it feels. This does not mean I think I am perfect, I always want to improve myself, but not to be like someone else. Interesting post! Lise

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  11. This post certainly made me think! I don't think I'm especially prone to envy - I certainly don't resent other people's successes, or achievements, or good fortune - although I know that I do have a tendency to compare myself negatively with others; it's a slightly different thing, but of course a bad habit in itself! I'm not envious as such, because I don't feel that I deserve what they have, just disappointed in myself for not being 'good enough'.

    The only time I've suffered badly with jealousy is when the man I thought (at the time) was the love of my life married someone else; I can't honestly say that I felt very charitable towards them at the time, or much inclined to celebrate their happiness! (In hindsight though, I can see that we weren't well matched, and it has all worked out for the best for everyone, especially now that I'm married to the real love of my life!)

    Anyway, as usual, I agree with you, Sam, for all the reasons you have stated. I think life should be about becoming the best version of ourselves that we can, and encouraging and supporting our loved ones to do the same.

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    1. Oh Fran, no wonder you were feeling less than charitable towards someone who had broken your heart.
      How awful.
      Luckily hindsight is wonderful and time heals all wounds (eventually).
      Life has a way of keeping us on our toes for sure!!
      XXX

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  12. Samantha, another wonderful, inspiring, and thought provoking post! Now, I may write an entire blog post here...be forewarned! I completely relate to you on the no jealousy thing. I literally feel no jealousy whatsoever either. My friends are often astonished by this to the point that they will make serious attempts to get me to feel jealous. It never works. I have never been jealous for as long as I can remember (maybe tiny bits here and there as a teen or young adult, but nothing that stands out as memorable). So NOT jealous, in fact, that my husband could have a girlfriend and it would bother me ZERO! Literally zero. Because he will always be present in our family and we will always be a very strong unit. The same goes for me from his perspective. He is not jealous at all either. I read an article recently that said love and jealousy and mutually exclusive of one another. They cannot exist together. If you have love for your spouse or your friends or yourself, you simply cannot feel jealousy. If you are feeling jealousy, then you should probably examine if the relationship is based on real love. I really believe this. And my love for myself, my husband, and my friends really allows no place for jealousy. I am genuinely happy for their successes and everyone else's for that matter. And like you, I want to be surrounded by all the beautiful things. Jealousy would merely prevent those things from coming into my life! Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this topic. You are fabulous!
    Shelbee
    www.shelbeeontheedge.com

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    Replies
    1. Wow Shelbee what a comment!
      Thank you so much.
      I'm blown away.
      You are SO lucky to have so much love in your life.
      No wonder you don't know how to feel jealous/envious.
      That explains why you're always so positive and supportive!
      XXX

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  13. I've never been jealous of other women's beauty either. I've always admired beauty in others and I tend to surround myself with beautiful friends. The scene you described with other women loathing the work wife because of her beauty is one I've witnessed many times in my life. I just don't get it.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. It's a weird one isn't it Amy?
      I understand that women can feel threatened by someone who is so beautiful.
      It's almost like their beauty somehow diminishes everyone else's... which is of course nonsense, but I still get it.
      Such a shame.
      XXX

      Delete
  14. I enjoyed reading this. I agree and think jealousy is such a waste of time! It seems the older I get the more I appreciate the small stuff! I am grateful for what I have, my family, etc. I never understand ladies who outwardly show jealousy, especially when they don't even know the person.
    Have a great week!
    jess xx
    www.elegantlydressedandstylish.com

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    Replies
    1. That's a great point Jess!
      Imagine what goes on behind people's backs if there is such outward nastiness?
      I hadn't really considered that... thank you for giving me even more to think about!
      XXX

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  15. I absolutely love this post, Samantha! You really are an inspiration. When I first started dating my hubby (I was 16) and I would get so jealous whenever he even looked in the direction of another girl!! Fortunately, that side of me soon melted away and I now I take it as a compliment because he's still with me, after all!
    Hugs
    Suzy xx
    www.suzyturner.com

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Oh Suzy.. Your husband is a lucky man to have such a beautiful wife!
      I'm sure he is well aware of that fact.
      I'm glad your jealous streak has faded with time and you can focus that enery on so many more positive things.
      Thank you for your lovely comment.
      XXX

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    2. You're the sweetest, Samantha! Thank you MWAH <3 <3

      Delete
  16. Let me, secretly, tell you something about envy! I have never been jealouse in my life! Never! Until....Someone I follow, with the same disease as I have, got a lung transplant! A total new life! And I am so happy for her, really I am, but I can t read her stories without getting tears in my eyes. I want that too! It s an awfull feeling, envy....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh Nancy... This is heartbreaking.
      There is no wonder you have a yearning.
      I want that for you too Nancy.
      It must be hard to read about things that you so desperately need.
      Experiences that could be yours given the right circumstances.
      XXX

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  17. My jealousy usually isn't beauty, but ability. The older I get the more I've decided to embrace these intimidating and amazing women because they make ME better. I think clearer, I'm more creative, and honestly- women need to hold each other up and support one another!! Love the post!

    -Adriele
    StyleAssisted.com

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    Replies
    1. This is a great point Adriele.
      Successful and beautiful women make me want to do/be better too!
      XXX

      Delete
  18. Wow, what a great post, Samantha - you are truly a remarkable person! I know you didn't say all that to hear compliments, but...it's true. I wish I could say the same, that I envy no one anything, but it's not true :-) I think I'm probably at the lower end of the spectrum of envy and jealousy, but it's there at times. Not usually with looks and material things...but more...when someone whose attention I desire is giving their attention in a different direction. And it's more of a sadness really...but it is coveting something that isn't mine. Consider yourself fortunate, really, to not have those feelings. They're not so pleasant.

    Bettye
    https://fashionschlub.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As I read that Bettye, I felt a pang of sadness.
      To desire attention and not receive it.
      The feeling of being crushed.
      I must admit that I think I learned how to cope with that emotion a long time ago.
      Learning that I couldn't change any person or make a person love me.
      Sadness is the right way to describe that awful feeling.
      Thank you for this fab comment that made me think.
      XXX

      Delete
  19. Sam, I haven't visited in a while but I'm ever so glad I did, and on this post too. I am, unfortunately, the opposite spectrum of you, my friend. Not professional envy, thank god, but often I feel jealous and possessive of my husband. I cannot lie. I often ask what he sees in me to be with me for almost 20 years and still love/want/cherish me. I look in the mirror and see only an ageing, ugly, big person. And I know that it is very much in my mind. He is the most amazing individual and I literally won the lottery with him, and never has he actually even given me cause to be jealous. It is simply all my very own insecurities. I truly wish I could be like you (and many of these women who left comments), and be in my personal life as I am professionally. I am working on it, still, and I dare say I have achieved a slight modicum of success but I have a very long way to go :) thank you for opening up and sharing your thoughts, I must visit more xoxo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm so happy you popped over Sheela!
      Thank you for this fabulous comment.
      It made me think deeply about how unfair we can be to ourselves.
      Your husband is a VERY lucky man and no-doubt knows it!
      His wife is beautiful and talented and none of the descriptives you used in your comment.
      It is so hard to 'unsee' these falsehoods though Sheela!
      I understand that.
      All I can do it tell you how much I appreciate your honesty and frankness in this fabulous comment!
      XXX

      Delete
  20. I think jealousy is really about not feeling like YOU are enough "as you are" and loving yourself unconditionally. I'm convinced that fully embracing yourself is a long ( lifetime?) journey of growth.
    Unfortunately, forces we don't control can adversely impact that journey from the very start. It takes experience, wisdom and emotional intelligence to find our way.
    I think I'm still on that journey. I'm competitive, and as you pointed out, there are clearly elements of jealousy in thinking you need to be better than someone else to be OK. My jealous moments have never taken a hateful/mean nature. I think I've always turned those feeling inward.
    Jealous behavior has the affect of shutting down growth and is a seriously complex problem within human relationships and individual psychological well being. I have never been crippled by it but I'm still vulnerable to it on occasion.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for this comment Judy.
      So interesting and thought provoking.
      You are right about the journey to accepting yourself... it's a very long one with no end as far as I can see!
      I still get annoyed at my (many) shortcomings and often wonder "What the hell were you thinking?!", especially after my mouth-first-brain-later moments (also many).
      We are all trying our best aren't we?!
      You always seem so open-minded and ready to think about new challenges Judy.
      There is nothing wrong with being competitive, it gives you drive and focus... I wish I was more driven at times.
      Thank you again for another fab comment!!
      XXX

      Delete
  21. Very interesting post, Samantha. I never feel jealous, either. Absolutely agree with your three ways not to be jealous, though the third one has always been a bit difficult to me.
    It's curious that some days ago i watched a video of a fashion youtuber who said that it's normal to feel jealous or envy, that everybody have this feelings sometimes... what?

    ReplyDelete

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