I have bought a pair of smart white Bermuda shorts.
I can’t believe I just said that!
Blimey…
What have I done?
Even the sentence makes me shudder a little.😉
Contained within that first statement are combinations of words that fill me with fear…
- Smart shorts
- Bermuda shorts
- White shorts
Is there such a thing as truly smart pair of shorts?
Should shorts EVER be white… I mean E.V.E.R?
Are Bermuda shorts THE most unflattering garment in the history of unflattering garments?!
(They’re a contender for sure! Along with bias-cut slip dresses.)
If you take a look online for Bermuda short outfit inspiration you’ll find loads of cute and funky outfits with ONE fundamental flaw.
They’re nearly all modelled by… how can I put this?… Models!
They’re nearly all modelled by… how can I put this?… Models!
Beautiful models.
Long and lean.
Over 5 feet 8.
Toned and smooth-skinned.
Under 25.
Legs as long as the Nile.
Bums as teeny-tiny as two boiled eggs wrapped in a hanky.
Thigh gaps as wide as the Clyde (a Scottish river).
Not even a slither of a saddle bag.
Perfect (i.e. non-existent knobbles or saggy skin) knees.
PLUS…
All of the outfits seem to involve heels.
We all know that a pair of heels can make (almost) anything look flattering.
Or at least more flattering.
Borderline frumpy dress?
Add flats = Hello old maid… ugh…
Add sexy heels = Hello ironic/edgy/funky outfit!
I love heels.
I love the look of them.
I love how they make me feel.
BUT…
I’m not going to be walking around all day in them.
No way Jose!
My toes would be crippled.
It’s just not practical.
SO… without the addition of a sexy heel how on earth can we wear Bermuda shorts (in real life) without looking like a dumpy, frumpy, dowdy scruff-bag?!
Hmmm…
How to wear Bermuda Shorts with style
1. Avoid Distressed or ‘scruffy’ Denim.
I love distressed denim jeans, they look cool and edgy whether you’re 25 or 75.
Any age can rock them.
However.
Bermuda shorts are a different animal altogether!
Unless you’re heading to a beach in sliders and a bikini top its best to avoid scruffy, ripped and distressed denim Bermuda shorts.
Yes, they look cool on the kids with slogan tees and dirty Vans.
BUT, as we get a little longer in the tooth, distressed shorts are harder to ‘own’.
They can look too scruffy and draw attention to our less-than-taught knees.
They can also look like they don’t belong to us.
Perhaps we’ve borrowed them from our teenage sons?
There is nothing wrong with borrowing clothes from our teenage sons (I’ve done it before with slogan tees) but Bermuda shorts shouldn’t be one of those items on loan.
2. Go Mono (chromatic)
For a really cohesive and streamlined look, try keeping the colours as monochromatic as you can.
I’ve gone light and neutral in this outfit (it’s not like me at all!!) but any colour will work.
You don’t need to match EXACTLY either.
Just tone on tone.
Chose complementing versions of your chosen colour.
Even different shades of ‘white’ look nice.
An all-black outfit is an obvious choice, but other colours work well too.
Keep all of your accessories in the same tonal family and make your shoes the darkest, for a chic look.
3. Love your Pins!
Keep your legs looking as good as you can.
Give them some love, they deserve it!
A spot of de-fuzzing always helps (pay attention to those stray knee hairs).
Moisturising is a given.
Even a bit of fake tan can help… not too much though, you don’t want your legs to look like they belong to a different person!
Give your knees some extra TLC… exfoliate well and add oodles of rich cream to remove any ashy patches.
{See this post about what to do when legs get old… and how to make the most of them.}
4. Add a third layer
Adding a ‘topper’ (or a third layer) can streamline a Bermuda-based outfit.
Skimming over those areas that Bermuda shorts tend to highlight.
Bums.
Thighs.
Tums.
A lightweight trench or a longline gilet can look great.
Go tone on tone for a longer/leaner look.
Or, contrast and clash for some colour-fun!
Today I’m wearing my brand-new-with-tags £2.00 charity shop bargain Bermuda shorts.
Someone has obviously bought them, tried them on and thought…
Yowzers!!
(Maybe if they’d read this post they might have hung onto them?!)
I’m chuffed to bits that they made their way into my life for such a bargain price.
I know I’m going to wear them loads this summer (if the Scottish rain holds off).
Normally I prefer a shorter pair of shorts because I feel that I don’t like attention focused around my knobbly knees.
And that is the BIG problem with Bermuda shorts.
They highlight things we don’t want to highlight.
Drawing attention to saddle bags (if you have them) and knee nobbles.
Shortening the legs.
“I really want to wear something that shows off my Saddle bags and Knee nobbles while chopping my legs in half “… said no one… EVER!
I’m styling these shorts with a simple camisole and a 3/4 length lightweight trench.
A cool and comfortable over-layer that adds interest and coverage.
I’m also NOT wearing heels.
(I just don’t wanna!)
Of course, a heel (like a neutral sandal or a smart pump) would make this outfit look much more chic and elegant.
A heel would lengthen my leg and perk up my rear-end.
BUT…
I’m on my feet all day today so it’s just not a goer.
(Plus the fact that my bunionette toe is really sore today from a stupid pair of flat shoes that squeezed… annoying!)
This outfit is on-trend and dressed-up enough to take me where I need to go today without the discomfort of heels!
Don’t you just love a comfortable outfit that seems like it took more effort than it actually did?
Do you like the look of longer shorts like Bermudas?
Do you prefer shorter shorts?
How would you style this white pair?
I’d love to know!
SHORTS: Charity shopped.
TOP: Older than time itself… Charity shopped too if I recall correctly.
JACKET: Topshop
BAG: Radley
SHOES: Zara
NECKLACES: Various old pieces
