Style Tips & Fun with Fashion, over 40.

Sunday, 19 November 2017

Never Look Back... Let Go of REGRET | #fakeituntilyoumakeit LINK UP

Never look back! Let go of regret | Fake Fabulous

After another foot-meet-mouth cringeworthy gaff (that I won't share with you here, but I will tell you my face was in my hands afterwards) it got me thinking about regret.

Regret is a toxic emotion, isn't it?

Regret can eat you up inside.
Knock your confidence.
Tarnish your memories.
Sour your present and taint your future.

It's utterly pointless.
Unfortunately we all feel it from time to time don't we?
Some of us get the odd twinge of cringe (like me!).
For others, regret can become obsessive.

{Of course there are some people who never feel regret, but I think they're called sociopaths... and you don't want to be one of those!}



Regret can be caused by something as silly as making a comment that you intended to be funny but ended up falling flat (cue tumbleweed).

Some decisions are more serious and may have resulted in the loss of work, a home or even a loved one.
Serious regrets are not to be dismissed lightly!

Regret that stems from big things takes time to mourn and heal.

Today I'm focusing on the wee things, but the ethos remains the same.
In life we all need (and deserve) to move forward, regardless of the past.

3 Ways to Let Go of Regret

1. Accept your (imperfect) self

Whatever the size of your regret, from a careless word to a major f**k up, accept that the person you were in that moment thought it was the right thing to do/say.
Whether you were trying to make a situation better.
Or, you thought your actions would help.

There was a reason you did what you did.
Accept that you made a mistake.
Forgive yourself.

2. Let go of "What if?"

'What if's' can ruin your 'right now'.
Whatever has gone before has gone.
Leave the past behind and move forward.
Here and now is what matters.
Wondering about a theoretical present is ruining the real one you are actually living.

3. Put a spin on it

It's corny as hell BUT.... Turn your regret into a lesson.
Learn from your mistake(s) and try to make the 'right' decision next time.
Pause and think.
Change things.
You have the power.

Sometimes we repeat the same cringeworthy behavior though, don't we?

"Why do I always do or say XXX?!"

Try and accept that some lessons take longer to learn than others.
None of us are the perfect pupil after all!

If you can, try and find a positive from the negative.
However small that positive is.
You might focus on doing things differently next time.
Being more thoughtful.
Kinder.
Stronger.

You often hear people say...

"Regret nothing"

I say give yourself permission to regret but don't let it eat you up.
Forgive.
Learn.
Move forward.

{Remember that it's okay to be an idiot sometimes!}

Do you dwell on things?
Do you wish you didn't?
Do you spend too much time on regret?

Or, are you someone who moves on with ease?
If you have any tips on how to handle regret please leave them in the comments and share your wisdom.
I'd love to hear from you!


Last week Shelbee turned my head with THIS POST on boots called the weekend wish list.
I'm a shameless shoe lover and fabulous footwear always floats my boat!







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32 comments

  1. This is so true, Samantha! I do think about the past in order to hopefully learn from it, but you just can't change it!!
    XOOX
    Jodie
    www.jtouchofstyle.com

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    1. Indeed Jodie!
      We try to "get better" don't we? :o)
      XXX

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  2. Let me tell you, I've had plenty of those foot in mouth moments!

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  3. Oh tell me about it! I can sink in the ground just thinking about it!

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    1. Hahaha... yes!
      Hoping the floor will open up so we can slip quietly away... cringe!
      XXX

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  4. Aw, Sam! What a wonderful surprise to see my boot wish list featured! Aren't there some of the most amazing boots there? I do have one huge regret with regard to that topic...that I don't have enough to buy them all! But seriously, I am a person who does not hold onto regret for very long at all...because, like you said, it really is pointless and changes nothing. Although, it took a whole ton of self work to get to a place where I can let regrets go. Forgiving yourself is huge! And it always surprises me how many people actually struggle with this concept...forgiveness of themselves...and giving themselves permission to any multitude of things from crying, living, loving, and just being their genuine selves. My words of wisdom from my own experience are just that..."Forgive yourself and you don't need permission from anyone except yourself." Another great and thought-provoking post! And thanks so much for the feature!

    xoxo
    Shelbee

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    1. What a great comment Shelbee!
      Perfect words of wisdom.
      XXX

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  5. Samantha, what a marvelous topic and fabulous food for thought. Thank you for starting out this week with such a positive perspective on the challenging emotion of regret.

    Rena
    www.finewhateverblog.com

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  6. Hi Samantha! Totally agree with your suggestions! I am notorious for feeling guilty about the things I want and I'm working with a therapist to overcome it. I believe any of us more sensitive people do struggle with being assertive. Thank you for sharing this!

    xoxo,
    Eleanna
    www.happilychic.com

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    1. Thank you for this comment Eleanna.
      Therapy is not a very "British" thing, we tend to bottle things up and eventually blow a gasket.
      Not very healthy!
      XXX

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  7. I used to let things eat me up and I'd think about them until I felt sick! Now, I'm quite the opposite. I accept that I made a mistake, learn from it and move on. Much better!
    Great post, Samantha!
    Suzy xx
    www.suzyturner.com

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    1. Wow, me too Suzy!
      Maybe it's getting older that gives up some perspective.... although living in the sun can't be a bad thing either :oP
      XXX

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  8. Well, this is so true I do try to pass this onto my children. Thanks for putting it into words. Jacqui
    www.mummabstylish.com

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    1. Thank you Jacqui... It's a hard lesson though, isn't it? XXX

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  9. Samantha, I couldn't agree more. So many people so unhappy over things long past. What a great post. Thankyou so much for the linkup too. Mimi xxx

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    1. Thank you Mimi... I'm so glad you popped by to say hello! XXX

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  10. Live without regrets is one of those things that’s easy to say but nearly impossible to do. Like you said, I think the most important thing to do is to use them as a learning experience and do better next time! Life is too short to dwell in negativity.
    Debbie
    www.fashionfairydust.com

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    1. Very true Debbie... although we should all feel regret from time to time, that's what makes us compassionate humans.
      Doing better is all we can strive for!
      XXX

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  11. What a great post! Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom. I often get so guilt and shame ridden that I freeze up and withdraw and I don't know what to do. I saved this post and I will journal about it later to help me go through a big regret that is holding my life up right now. I always love your style but you're also a beautiful person. Thanks for this post.

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    1. You're so kind to say so! Thank you for this lovely (and honest) comment. XXX

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  12. Oh Samantha, I do try so hard to "Let it go, let it go....."

    Can I share my one, biggest regret that haunts me? I went skiing ions ago--without insurance mind you but it had just snowed and that blue sky, sunny, powder puff day was just too hard to resist. Well....I hit a tree that day--right after skiing the best in my entire life, so maybe that made it worth it? No not really. Anyway, that tree and me, well I tore my ACL, had to go on Welfare (total learning experience there!), had reconstructive knee surgery.....ya da ya da ya da. This was in 1995, so over thirty years later, I still regret that decision to go skiing. My body has never been the same.

    But, I do have to let it go, try to embrace each day, ignore the painful ones, and just keep on dancing! Speaking of which, I listened to an awesome UK punk band this last weekend and thought of you!!! Alos, I heard the Young Fathers, and they are RAD!

    Here's to no regrets!! Thanks for the link up.

    Love, Annie from Kremb de la Kremb

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    1. That's a pretty big one Annie! Thank you for sharing it.
      I think many of us have some HUGE regrets, like yours, as well as the day to day face-palmers!
      I know I do.
      You are right when you say embrace each day.
      Have fun.
      Be kind.
      You never know what's around the next corner do you?
      XXX
      P.S My husband likes a bit of punk! :oP

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  13. You share a great deal of wisdom in your blog Samantha. Moving on with living and being focused on what is happening right NOW is really the only practical, healthy and restorative way to function. You hit beautifully at the heart of this when you said that it's ultimately about loving yourself. BLAME is probably the destructive flip side of regret. Forgiveness is divine?
    You impress me with your many gifts Sam. I appreciate your wise words so much that I don't give a c__p what you were wearing when you related them here. :-):-)
    Thank you!

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    1. You're always so kind Judy, thank you!
      Blame is a bad one isn't it?
      Forgiveness is essential otherwise bitterness takes over.... and that shows on the face!
      It's much better to smile and move on.
      XXX

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  14. Nothing really comes from What ifs i know that! I do feel like I let things go more these days. It is hard not to let go of something at times. When my dad passed less than 2 yrs ago jan, i was regretting that i should have called him more. My mom would tell me that he knew i loved him. Enjoyed reading sam.
    jess xx
    www.elegantlydressedandstylish.com

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    1. Gosh Jess, I understand that completely!
      It's tough when we lose someone we love, especially if there was no time to put things right.
      I remember when your dad died and you did that lovely tribute post in his colours, it was so lovely.
      Sad times.
      XXX

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  15. It's never easy to let go of regrets. It's one of life's big learning curves. Recognising past behaviour but trying not to let it affect you negatively. Of course that's easier said than done!

    https://petitesilvervixen.blogspot.co.uk/

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    1. Indeed Jacqueline!
      I'm guilty of having some of my cockups on repeat... :oP
      XXX

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  16. Love this post! So inspiring! REally makes you stop and think. I know there are things that i wish I could have done differently, handled differently and you end up just full of all those regrets!

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    1. Thank you so much Stephanie!
      We all do it, don't we?
      XXX

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