Style and Fun with Fashion, over 40.

Thursday, 29 June 2017

Low Self Esteem | Faking Confidence in Red and Blue!

Red Ruffle Ted Baker Dress, Cobalt Suede Heels, Black Vintage Clutch | Self Esteem issues, over 40 |Fake Fabulous

How is your Self Esteem?

Low self esteem is very common, and it can be such a touchy subject, can't it?

In an ideal world we would all be confident in our abilities, and content with how we looked.
However, back in the real world, almost everyone suffers from a lack of self confidence (and low self esteem) from time to time.
{Whether they admit it or not!}
Unfortunately, some people suffer ALL of the time.

That horrible feeling that you are not quite good enough.
Sound familiar?

Lacking in self confidence is not just for the (so-called) 'normal' people of this world.
Even the seemingly 'perfect' people suffer.

In fact, sometimes the pressure to be perfect is SO great that the people who have immaculate facades to maintain feel even worse than the rest of us.
It's tougher at the top as all eyes are on them.
The world is waiting for them to mess-up so it can point and laugh.

Not Quite Good Enough.

These feelings of low self esteem, and self doubt, are more common than you might think.

Successful people can feel like a fraud, despite being hardworking and talented.
Beautiful people can feel ugly, and hate their features, despite being admired and envied.
Fit people can feel they look flabby and fat, despite being super-toned, strong and fast.
Crazy isn't it?

It's a hard pattern to break, and there's no quick fix, but the ONE thing we should never do when our own confidence is lacking is to try and drag other people down.
No matter who they are, no one deserves that.

Red Ruffle Ted Baker Dress, Cobalt Suede Heels, Black Vintage Clutch | Self Esteem issues, over 40 |Fake Fabulous

Confidence Hangs on a Shoogly Peg!

True body confidence is something that few people have, and if they do it's hanging on a very shoogly peg... a Scottish phrase that means a wobbly and loose peg, or hook.
You could say "Hanging by a thread".

But we can ALL achieve it.
Well... fake it anyway!

Try having a look at THIS POST... 5 Ways to Fake Body Confidence if you're having a wobble.

It you appear confident then people will assume you actually ARE confident.
It's a great trick.

This red dress is the perfect 'faking it' dress.
Looking at someone wearing a dress like this, you would assume the wearer was super-confident.
Who else would wear a short, red and ruffle-covered dress?
Certainly no wallflower.
(Your secret would be safe as houses!)

Red Ruffle Ted Baker Dress, Cobalt Suede Heels, Black Vintage Clutch | Self Esteem issues, over 40 |Fake Fabulous

A little TOO much.

This dress is a little too much in SO many ways!
It's a little too Loud.
It's a little too Short.
It's a little too Shiny.
It's definitely a little too Ruffly!

Yes, it shows off my knobbly knees, and skinny blue legs.
Yes, it highlights my little baby belly.
But who really cares?

Other people don't even notice what we look like half of the time, and if they do we are almost instantly forgotten.

Other people care much less about how you look than you think!

At the end of the day, I felt good and my husband liked it too.
That's all that really matters, isn't it?

To be honest, husbands/partners/lovers tend not to notice (or care) about our little 'imperfections'. They simply don't see them, and can't understand what we are on about. Keep quiet about your 'flaws' and they will never know.

Red Ruffle Ted Baker Dress, Cobalt Suede Heels, Black Vintage Clutch | Self Esteem issues, over 40 |Fake Fabulous

Red Ruffle Ted Baker Dress, Cobalt Suede Heels, Black Vintage Clutch | Self Esteem issues, over 40 |Fake Fabulous

This ruffly red dress was calling out for a nice colour clash and these blue heels were perfect.
I love red and blue together.
For me, it just seems to work.

{See these blue suede shoes styled HERE, HERE and HERE}

Red Ruffle Ted Baker Dress, Cobalt Suede Heels, Black Vintage Clutch | Self Esteem issues, over 40 |Fake Fabulous

A vintage black clutch, and my favourite eye brooch finished things off nicely.
Simple and effective.
Sometimes all you need is the dress and the attitude!

How do you handle self confidence wobbles?
Do you try to fake it, or hide away until you feel better?

Do you suffer from low self esteem?

Please share your story by either leaving a comment (you can do it anonymously if you prefer) or send me an email samantha44blair(at)gmail(dot)com.

I would love to hear from you!


Red Ruffle Ted Baker Dress, Cobalt Suede Heels, Black Vintage Clutch | Self Esteem issues, over 40 |Fake Fabulous

RED DRESS: Ted Baker...£5 in a charity shop! (similar)
BLUE SHOES: Nine West... these are perfect.
BLACK PATENT BAG: Vintage... similar.
EYE BROOCH: H&M... similar.


GET THE LOOK







Have a look at THIS POST... 5 Ways to Fake Body Confidence

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29 comments

  1. Love this Outfit! Greetings from Austria, Lena!
    http://lenaleitgeb.blogspot.co.at/

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  2. You've pulled it off beautifully Samantha.
    I make the effort every day with my outfit and that gives me confidence and I'm not thinking about all my lumps and bumps.
    Your dress was a great find
    Lynn xx

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Lynn. Making a bit of an effort is always a better idea than slopping around and feeling bad about ourselves, isn't it? Distraction is the best tactic! :oP XXX

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  3. You look so stunning! Amazing!
    I also love your garden shots - I'm so envious of your Japanese maple.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Cindy. We have quite a small space but it is jam packed! There are 4 or 5 Maples... I LOVE them. The colour is beautiful all year round, even the bare branches are attractive. Such a lovely tree. XXX

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  4. Fantastic dress and love it with the blue!

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  5. Funny you should write this today. I just posted on the very same topic... kind of. Talking about all my "lumps and bumps." Putting it out there and feeling better for doing so. As much as we try to make an effort every day to stay confident... some days it's not so easy. Love this red dress. It looks wonderful on you, Samantha.

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    1. I popped over for a look Susan... there must be something in the air! :o) XXX

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  6. First off, Ted Baker for a steal! yes! I love this dress and it looks great on yoU! redheads can wear red.. hehe! The blue heels really pop and look great against the red dress. I agree, fake confidence! In my 20s and earlier I lacked confidence, it can be paralyzing if you let it.. I feel like as I have grown older I feel more comfortable in myself, and you are so right! No one is looking or cares about our looks as much as we do!
    Love the eye pin too!
    enjoy your weekend
    jessxx
    www.elegantlydressedandstylish.com

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    1. Thank you Jess!
      Yes, once we realise how little other people care about how we look it is very liberating. Even as a style/fashion blogger,no one really cares that much do they? :oP
      XXX

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  7. You look stunning. Yes we all suffer from self-doubt and the imposter syndrome but we can combat it by focusing on what makes us happy and reminding ourselves that we deserve that happiness and confidence. The brain is malleable, the more we remind ourselves of positive affirmations,the more we believe in it x

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    1. Wise words Vicki!
      When people are put down they begin to believe it and it is very hard to pull out of that negativity. Luckily, being positive (and hanging around with positive people) works just as well! We all need some positive affirmations in our lives!
      Thank you for popping by!
      XXX

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  8. Two words, Samantha: Smoking Hot!

    You do know I'm a huge, huge fan of your colour-blocking skills, right? That red and blue, wow. And that dress is just perfect for you in my opinion - not too-anything at all!

    I can't imagine someone not having low self-esteem issues at all. I mean, kudos if you don't, whoever you are, lucky you! But I do think some people manage low self-esteem a lot better than others. Faking confidence is a great way to combat it, and what you demonstrate here is one way to do it, for sure!

    xo, Liyana | Affordorable

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    Replies
    1. Hahaha...thank you Liyana!
      I have to agree with your wise words. Even those with the most bravado and bluster have issues... sometimes more so!
      Thank you for your kind words.
      XXX

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  9. You are so right!!!! I agree with every word you wrote. And indeed, the only thing I thought when I opened this post was: WOW, she looks fantastic. All the things you pointed out that were less perfect... I didn't see them. What I did see, was the blue pumps! What a great find. I would have gone with a safe colour like black, but this is so much better. Love it. And the ruffles too.
    Greetje
    PS thanks for teaching me the word shoogly. 😉

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Greetje.
      Red just calls out for a clash....but I did tone it down a little with a black bag :oP
      "Shoolgy peg" is a great phrase and comes in quite useful at times. XXX

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  11. You always find the best bargains in charity shops! What a great dress, and I honestly think you look terrific in it - no need to fake the confidence at all!

    I don't think I fake confidence, I think I just find it by emphasizing what I do like, and not focusing on what I don't like. I've never liked my appearance, but I do (mostly) like the way I dress, especially now I've reached a point in my life where I feel free to wear whatever makes me happy. I can't remember the exact quote, but I can identify with Wallis Simpson's maxim: she recognized that she wasn't a beautiful woman, but that it was in her power always to be beautifully dressed.

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    1. I know the quote you mean...She says she is "nothing to look at" and all she can do is "dress better than everyone else"... I don't agree with the last part but we can change it into "dressing our best".
      She was certainly a character!
      My favourite quote from her is
      "Never explain, never complain"...I like the idea of that!

      I'm so glad you have genuine confidence by emphasising the good and ignoring the not-so-good.
      Perfect advice.
      XXX

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    2. Ah yes, that's the quote I was thinking of! Thanks for reminding me. And I quite agree with your revision of the sentiment: I'm not trying to be better dressed than anyone else (it's not a competition after all), just the best version of myself that I can be.

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  12. love your attitude, and your red dress!, I believe in Red Color as a confidence-booster!. Love all those ruffles and how you look so elegant with a twist!
    You're so right: confidence is like a delicate flower, you have to take care of it every single day!. And sometimes I'm not in the mood!
    Sometimes I'm very conscious about my (many) flaws, and that's ok, because I'm not perfect, I'm not always happy with my life, I'm not always able to embrace my flaws. No problemo. I try to pay attention to the things I like, and that's all!
    besos & Red

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    Replies
    1. Great advice Monica, "Pay attention to the things you like".....even if it is hard sometimes!
      XXX

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  13. Shoogly peg. I adore that... I'm going to start wheeling that out!

    I don't have much of a confidence issue; I'm lucky. I'm a Leo, I have it in spades! Sure, there are things I don't like about my body, but I just don't care very much. I am healthy, and I'm neither the ugliest nor most beautiful person in the world, like most people, and that's cool by me!

    On to your outfit, you are a f*ing knockout in this dress. It has such an 80's vibe, but not retro somehow. I adore it. It looks designer, and you look amazing in it, especially with your hair.

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  14. Shoogly. Great word. Yes, imposter syndrome over here, for sure, in greater and lesser doses depending on the day. But as you saying, throwing on a fantastic outfit definitely helps, although by concealing the self-doubt, it only boosts the chances for imposterness (not a word). But I figure we are all imposters to some extent. The depth of who we are is only known to ourselves, and even then, not fully. Great post. I saw Sue's post too.
    GORGEOUS dress!!!

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  15. I've gone all around the houses reading about self-esteem (via Suzanne and Sue) and yes, it's so blooming common to us all Sam. Our clothes act as our armour and that's why we dress as we do. I personally think I dress up in loud bright colours to distract people from the fact that I'm actually quite shy. It's much easier to give people something to talk about, like my flouffy net underskrt, than me having to grapple about thinking of what to say. Scratch the surface and goodness knows what lurks beneath for us all.

    I love this red dress, wee baby belly an' all! You're showing your human side rather than your perfect personna and that's a great thing to do. Bravo!

    Anna x

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