Fake it until you make it! Style Tips and Fun with Fashion, over 40.

Sunday, 12 February 2017

How to Overcome Fear...in Electric Blue!

How to Overcome Fear | Bright Blue | Fake Fabulous

I recently read in a glossy magazine that fashion bloggers are assumed to be narcissists.
At best, brimming with confidence... At worst, arrogance.
Unapologetic, self-obsessed and totally fearless!

{The unapologetic and fearless parts I like. The rest is not very flattering is it?}

But, I have a confession to make...

I blog about style, but sometimes I am not as confident as my outfit portrays me to be.
Sometimes I am nervous, or anxious, or unsure of myself.
Sometimes I have to fake my fearlessness.

{I suspect that I am not alone with that!}

I WANT to be fearless.
So I have to make it happen.

I WANT to be fearless, so I have to make it happen!

Luckily faking some confidence it quite easy, and it's okay.
More than okay in fact.

Faking is almost as good as genuinely believing.
Faking can help you start to believe in yourself.
Faking it is the first step to making it.
Each time you fake it, it gets easier.

{And, no one can tell the difference!}

How to Overcome Fear | Bright Blue | Fake Fabulous

I know that many of us worry about what other people might be thinking.
{I used to worry a lot, even if I didn't like to admit it.}

We might worry that our friends (or family) will wonder if we are losing the plot, or having a midlife crisis, if we start to dress differently.

I am lucky to have a very supportive family (they take it all in their stride) so I was saddened to hear that many women get snide comments from their partners and children!
Awful right?
If you can't get support from your nearest and dearest, who can you rely on?

However, this reaction is perfectly understandable.
Husbands, partners and children might be worried that their wife/lover/mother is going to change.
Most people don't like change.
Change can be unsettling.

So, yes, your loved ones should support and encourage you but sometimes they find it hard.
This is the time to take things slowly.
Introduce your desired changes using the "Softly, Softly" approach.
A little touch here and there... building up to the place YOU want to be.

I, on the other hand, always go for the "Baptism of Fire" route.
Soft and gentle isn't really my style.
{I don't have the patience, and luckily my friends and family are used to my experiments!}

My way to cope with uncertainty is to just go for it.
No half measures.
Full-on or nothing.

For example, being a little nervous about wearing cobalt/electric blue I bought a full length vintage coat!

{Read about the coat HERE... styled with pink. Along with a guide to wearing bright colours with confidence, real or fake.}

This outfit is a cobalt-coloured slap in the face with a little pattern mix added for good measure.

How to Overcome Fear | Bright Blue | Fake Fabulous

Blue is associated with integrity and stability....making people who meet you subconsciously assume you are someone to be trusted.

Blue symbolises intelligence, truth and confidence.
Bright blue is the perfect colour in which to fake some Fearlessness and Fabulousness!

Bright Blue is the perfect colour in which to fake some Fearlessness, and Fabulousness! 


However, there is no point in someone (like me) telling you to go for it and ignore everyone else.

If you are genuinely worried about what people are thinking, it can be debilitating.

Worry and Fear makes you shrink.
Fear can make a stunning outfit (that really suits you) look awkward, and wrong.

Fear is a learned behaviour, and a very powerful emotion.
Fear can stop you doing the things you want to do.

This destructive emotion will have been cultivated and developed for years (probably since childhood) and is a tough nut to crack.

{I understand...it took me over 30 years to make peace with my pale and slim legs}

But don't worry!
You can manage this emotion, and train yourself to overcome it.
You can push through the fear and emerge at the other side.
You can't be brave without first being afraid.

You can't be Brave without first being Afraid.

I believe there are two ways to overcome fear...
  • The "Softly, Softly" Approach.

Or, (my personal favourite)...

  • The "Baptism of Fire".

These a pretty self-explanatory, aren't they?
One way introduces small and gradual changes, the other is like flipping a style switch.

Either will work, but both require a deep breath and a step into the unknown.

4 Things to Remember...


  1. Do whatever is right for you.
  2. Never EVER apologise, or make excuses for your choices.... even if it's on the tip of your tongue.
  3. If someone says something positive simply thank them. Don't say something negative after their complement. Take it for what it is and enjoy it.
  4. If someone makes a snide, nasty or bitchy comment. Feel sorry for them. Don't allow their lack of self-esteem drag you down. Anyone who feels the need to try and make you feel low is to be pitied. Give a wry smile and move on. Don't waste a moment of your time trying to analyse what they meant. It's not important.

Never EVER apologise, or make excuses for your choices.

If it happens to be your friends (or family) who are making negative comments, accept that they may feel unsettled but don't accept their behavior.
Be open and honest, tell them what you want to achieve, and why.
Reassure them you are still their mum/friend/lover/wife BUT you deserve positivity, and will accept nothing less.

Love you, love your choices!

How to Overcome Fear | Bright Blue | Fake Fabulous

It was blowing a hoolie and freezing cold so I am layered up to the MAX here....including thermal capri leggings, tights and sheepskin shoe liners.
So those are not really bare ankles.
My underlayers are (thankfully) not for public display!

COAT: Vintage Windsmoor....cost me £1.20 {insert happy, and slightly smug, face}... this petite Topshop one is lovely.
TROUSERS: Topshop
BLOUSE: Charity shop
UNDER-TOPS (layered up): Uniqlo (striped) and Topshop (Sheer blue)
BAG: c/o Bonmarche
SHOES: Nine West... these are old but you can find them all over now!

How to Overcome Fear | Bright Blue | Fake Fabulous


Do you ever lack confidence?
What helps you "Fake it"?

Please share your secrets in the comments.
I'd love to hear them!

It was SO windy there was nothing left to do but let my hair go crazy, my coat flap about and laugh!

How to Overcome Fear | Bright Blue | Fake Fabulous

GET THE LOOK


SHARE:

17 comments

  1. Really enjoyed your post. I am a fan of electric blue!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you Cynthia. Me too!.... although it's not really "my colour" but I never usually let that stop me :oP XXX

    ReplyDelete
  3. What a beautifully written post, Samantha. It feels as if you're having a direct conversation with me that I can totally relate to. What you said about "faking it" resonates with me because I'm very much an introvert in real life, so when I go out of my "blogger bubble", I fake confidence allll the time, and that in turn increases my confidence for real.

    I do think looking presentable plays a big part, too! It's not just about the clothes either, it's about having good makeup on or even having a great skin moment. Of course, playing around with fashion really is one of the easiest ways to exude confidence - and throwing in a bold hue like this electric blue means extra points scored!

    XO, Liyana
    | Affordorable

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Those words are music to my ears Liyana... Thank you!
      That is how I hope to come across when I write, and to hear you say you feel that way has made my week!! :o)

      I totally agree with the fact that faking confidence leads to genuine confidence. It is a cycle that feeds itself.... either positively or negatively.
      I know that many women who appear self-assured have plenty of self doubt, they are just better at bluffing!
      No one would ever guess that a boldly dressed hijabi, with her killer outfits and neon lipstick, was anything other than kick-ass-confident... even if she is faking it from time to time :o*
      Thank you for this lovely, honest, comment.
      XXX

      Delete
  4. Liking all these blue tones together, make for a really bright outfit. Super! Jacqui
    www.mummabstylish.com

    ReplyDelete
  5. I love your style and the colours you wear. It is a fantastic outfit. Pen x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Pen. This blue is not really "my colour" but I wear it anyway....I just need to smile a little more to pull it off! ;oP

      Delete
  6. Oh yes this blue IS your color!!! Every time you wear it I'm utterly charmed. It looks lovely with your complexion, eyes, and hair color. It is the color rhat comes to mind when I think of you like a "signature color", although I'm convinced you could choose among many!

    I agree with Liyana that your writing has a warm, conversational tone; like chatting with a friend. I trust you to be true, sincere, funny and straight forward because that's my reading experience within your blog. As far as I'm concerned that's the key to a blogger's appeal. You've got lots of sparkle for sure Samantha!!
    I may have nurtured my own self confidence by standing in front of 14 year olds and attempting to interest them in American social studies. YIKES! Teenagers are excellent at detecting baloney and insincerety. Wearing fun fashions and following a few current trends boosted my confidence and gave me "fashion credibility" with "my kids". All of that carried over into my non professional life as well.

    Your cobalt blue look is spectacular! I love those cool print pants with the little bow tie blouse and the pattern mix is perfection.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Judy.
      Blue was never a colour I was confident wearing.....although my Grandpa loved me in it!
      I should have listened to his wise words. :oP
      Your kind words here mean a lot to me.... thank you!
      XXX

      Delete
  7. This is such a relatable post, Sam. That idea that because I post my outfits publicly and am a fashion blogger automatically sends a message to some people that I am confident about my looks and that being in front of the camera is my favorite place, or that I'm vain...when in fact, it couldn't be farther from the truth. I've written about similar topics on my blog...about losing followers or about feeling criticised or judged in a way for what we write about as a hobby. And, while family can be tremendously supportive, sometimes the criticism that comes at their hands hurts the worst! Your long blue vintage coat is the MOST enviable thrifted find ever, I think. Thanks for broaching this topic....xoxo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Norbyah....we are complicated creatures aren't we?
      Maybe the fact you are happy to be photographed "warts and all" means you are NOT vain?
      A vain person would not allow anything other than a perfect image of a perfect life.
      I much prefer a real person with their real flaws.....so much more interesting and attractive!
      XXX

      Delete
  8. I'm far away of being a fearless person!, but I'm decided to do whatever I like, even if I'm feeling terrified!.
    I'm also on the "Baptism of Fire" route (mwahaha, such a great definition), I'm usually over-enthusiastic. I never had support from my family when I was young, however I've managed myself to develop some confidence and joie-de-vivre, and find some good friends (and a supportive hubbie!)!
    I'm really loving your outfit, the fabulous colors, the subtle and elegant mixing of patterns, the layering!, I like particularly that you worn a striped t-shirt under your blouse, such a cute detail. And I'm loving your pants, they're versatile and cool!
    besos (without apologies!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Monica, you are my "Baptism of fire" poster girl!
      We can't be brave without being a little scared. :o)
      I understand about the support too.....when I say family I mean my husband, children and friends. Thank goodness for them!
      I'm so glad you notice my striped layer....I was FREEZING without it. It's a brushed thermal top, so cosy :o)
      Thank you for your lovely comment.
      XXX

      Delete
  9. Very true Sam, love the points you make about what people may say.. negative or positive. I was just discussing about the older people are.. it seems many just dont pay attention to what others think. I think it is important to feel good about what you are wearing and take chances that you want to take, right. LOVE the cobalt blue on you, I need more blue hues in my closet! Mixed pattern perfecttion :-)
    Enjoy your weekend!
    thanks for linking with turning heads tuesday
    jess xx
    www.elegantlydressedandstylish.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's the best part about getting older, right Jess?
      We care less about trivia and more about what really matters! Being true to ourselves. XXX

      Delete

Thank you for your comment.
I love reading your thoughts!
I try to reply to as many as I can so don't forget to tick the "notify me" box!

Blogger Template Created by pipdig